You want to be stronger, braver, and more integrated.
You want to be more whole right?
I have good news. As you learn and apply Transformation Prayer Ministry to your life, you will become a stronger, braver, more integrated, and whole person.
“Make every effort to live in peace with everyone and to be holy; without holiness no one will see the Lord.”Hebrews 12:14 NIV
Transformation Prayer Ministry (TPM) is, by far, one of the best tools I’ve seen that can nurture growth in this way.
The intent of the TPM process is to provide a systematic and reliable means to intentionally and purposefully participate with God in refining one’s faith, which results in renewing one’s mind, and naturally transforming one’s belief and behavior.
“ . . . be transformed by the renewing of your mind.” Romans 12:2 NIV
To understand this more clearly, today I’m sharing with you a personal account of a Transformation Prayer Ministry session. In this, you will see how Molly (fictitious name) was able to move through her negative belief about herself.
To read another personal application of Transformation Prayer Ministry (TPM) click here.
We begin here.
When Molly was talking with her husband about the slow pace of work in her current job, he suggested she should look for another job.
Feeling irritated and defensive, and realizing they were getting nowhere in their conversation, she decided not to engage in any arguments.
In fact, she decided to essentially dismiss herself from the discussion and just let him talk.
Bothered by her own unclear thoughts and feelings, which arose in their interaction, she asked me to mentor her in Transformation Prayer Ministry regarding these unsettled feelings.
EMOTION (The ‘box’ or place we begin a session)
I asked her: “How did the conversation make you feel?”
Molly: “It made me feel defensive and irritated.”
MEMORIES
I asked her: “What comes to mind as you focus on what you are feeling?”
Molly: “Hmm . . . Why did I feel defensive? What was I defending? . . . THAT I’M NOT SPOILED OR LAZY. “
I asked: Why do you feel that way?
Molly: “ Because I was the baby of the family, the youngest with a large age gap. I remained close in proximity to my parents and they were a great help to me with babysitting, helping with finances and rides when I didn’t have a car. My other siblings moved out of town and were more independent. Later, I was able to be a stay at home mom.
BELIEF
I asked her: “Not that it is true, but does it feel true that you are spoiled or lazy?”
Molly: “No. Actually when I think about it, I do not believe I am spoiled.”
TRUTH
We entered this TPM process spontaneously and were in an informal setting. Others began to enter the room before we were quite done. This interfered with the process. I believe Molly began to speed things up, and her intellect took over for her emotions in the BELIEF box.
Once she heard herself say she’s “spoiled and lazy” and thought about it, she realized that was not true. If her response was yes, (which would have been the typical response if not rushed to conclude things) I would have asked her if we could present that belief to the Lord.
TRANSFORMATION
I asked her: “So, what do you feel is true?”
Molly: “I am not a spoiled child. I work hard. I am very productive. I am resourceful. I contribute a lot to my family. I have made sacrifices and do not ask for much in return. I do not always get my way or what I want.
If you become familiar with Transformation Prayer Ministry you will be a stronger, more positive, united, and whole person.
Wholeness leads to holiness.
“Make every effort to live in peace with everyone and to be holy; without holiness no one will see the Lord.”Hebrews 12:14 NIV
To read another personal application of Transformation Prayer Ministry (TPM) click here.
Grip of Anger
Ever get so absorbed in what you’re doing that you lose track of time?
Ever get totally lost in something new and interesting that you forget to feed your toads?
Maybe you even lose big chunks of days because you’re working on a particular project?
Me too.
On a weekend, I can get lost on pinterest while exploring all kinds of new ways to get organized, or beautify my home on a budget.
On a warm summer day, I can get lost in an Anne Voskamp book while relaxing on my porch. (I’m wild about porches)
And any day of the year, I can get lost in a dream world walking along the sandy edge of the beach.
A few months ago I was singularly focused on preparing for the Heart Working Women Retreat, Transformed: the Power of Grace in Relationship. It was a blessing to be among you. Our time was well invested.
Most outstanding to me was Natalie’s personal story. She was stirred to share a more deeply personal story than she had prepared to share. Her story gives a heartfelt message on a tender topic not often addressed.
You can purchase the video here.
Currently, I’ve been getting lost in hours of reading and viewing videos about a tool that harmonizes beautifully with Heart Working Women.
The Heart Working Women’s mission is :
To provide resources to help women create life-giving relationships with oneself, others, and God.
My attention has been riveted on a tool that blends beautifully with this mission.
It’s called Transformation Prayer Ministry.
TPM breathes new life into relationships . . . beginning with your relationship with yourself.
Naturally, as your relationship with yourself is kinder, gentler, more nurturing, and honest, your relationships with others will improve also.
The purpose of TPM is to:
Refine your faith
Renew your mind
Transform your life
It is a simple, and effective, tool that helps you identify the lies you’re believing about yourself, or the lies fueling the actions in your life, and then positions you to present them to the Lord.
Simply stated, it allows you to take ownership of your emotions.
Specifically the TPM tool is a set of questions, organized into seven boxes, which help you identify your inner lies and positions you for transformation.
It is a practical application of Romans 12:2 “. . . be transformed by the renewing of your mind.”
You can work with it on your own or with the help of someone guiding you through.
By using TPM your inner lies will be eliminated one by one.
Visit Transformation Prayer Ministry here.
You will find this tool will create pathways for the truths you already know in your head to become rooted as a reality in your heart and core.
To help you become more familiar with the TPM process, I’ve included the following piece from my journal which is my TPM experience written through my personal processing of a conflict.
Though it’s only a portion of the TPM process, I hope it gives you some understanding, and an interest in learning more.
I will build on these thoughts in future newsletters. And, please feel free to ask me questions.
JOURNAL ENTRY:
Accusing words come at me, sinking into my gut, one lie attaches onto others already there.
Is my entire life a wasted mess of wrong priorities?
Too many words pummeling me. I can’t think. It’s overload.
I hold my tongue.
Everything within me screams GO . . . TAKE A BREAK. STEP OUTSIDE THE DOOR IT’S ONLY TWELVE INCHES FROM YOU. DO IT NOW. YOUR BRAIN IS ON OVERLOAD.
The blaring words I hear bite as they churn and burrow inside.
“. . . a harsh word stirs up anger.” Proverbs 15:1
My hurt quickly curdles into anger and sours any fleeting thought that “just maybe I shouldwelcomethese words and consider if there’s anybenefitI could gain from them”.
Like bats in a bug infested night sky, my anger swirls.
And I hold onto the swirling anger.
In the silence, I notice my anger makes me feel safe.
It feels like a protective shield.
It gives me space to process what’s going on within.
Intellectually I know it’s true that,“A gentle answer turns away wrath, . . .”
But right now I have no gentle answer.
I refrain from using any words.
My head and gut are not synchronizing.
I’m disjointed and hurt within, but anger is what spews out.
Honestly, I can’t tell anymore if the harsh words are coming from within me, or outside of me. Most of them are unspoken.
I refrain from walking out the door. God’s wisdom in the moment. He reaches me even though I’m not tuned in to Him.
I just pause and breathe.
The noise lessens.
Finally it stops.
With some time and space I ask myself the appropriate Transformation Prayer Ministry question:
Do I sense any resistance or hesitancy at the thought of not being angry?
YES.
I needed space. Anger gave me that space.
The next TPM question:
What do I believe would happen if I were to stop being angry?
I think my needs and wishes would be overlooked and ignored.
The next TPM question:
So then the reason for my being angry is what?
To help this person understand my frustration with how we are busily going about our own business, and simply living side by side, rather than communicating and coordinating our plans and desires.
Once I realized why I was angry, (which took me a day or so) I then realized that being angry wouldn’t actually communicate what I wanted to communicate, and that I needed to communicate it with words.
With a bit of time these new thoughts took the air out of my anger.
When I made a plan to address my concerns with him it shrank even more. It shrank down on its own just like a balloon deflates when untied.
My anger dissipated, but I was still feeling hurt.
BAs I thought through the next TPM question I was able to process my hurt which was an underlying reason for my anger.
So the next TPM question I asked myself was:
How am I feeling now?
I feel childish and irresponsible.
The next TPM question:
What comes to mind as I focus on what I’m feeling?
I remember the derogatory comments about my decisions in life that were recently given to me from someone who doesn’t share my values.
And I think of the triggering comment coming from the one with whom I just worked through my anger.
The next TPM question:
How does that make me feel?
Like maybe I did make a mess of my life. Maybe I did choose wrong priorities all along the way.
The next TPM question:
Why do I feel that way?
Because two people have recently told me something like that.
The next TPM question:
Why does believing maybe I did make a mess in my life make me feel irresponsible and childish?
Because if I agree with their point of view, then I can see that I would have been, and continue to be, irresponsible which is childish.
The next TPM question:
Not that it is true, but does it feel true that I am irresponsible and childish?
Yes.
The next TPM question:
Lord what do you want me to know?
What came to mind is that I have been a responsible mother and a good wife, that I have made choices over many years seeking God’s wisdom and not leaning on my own understanding. And that the individual who made the derogatory comments about my choices in life does not hold the same values I hold, and therefore would not be able to understand, or see worth in my decisions.
The next TPM question:
Does it still feel true that I am irresponsible and childish?
NO it no longer feels true that I am irresponsible and childish.
END OF JOURNAL ENTRY
It takes time and courage to untangle a ball of lies and their accompanying emotions.
In the case I shared above the lie was, “I am irresponsible and childish”.
Anger which grows from the lies keep us from being able to process, and move beyond the attached emotions. Therefore we need to address the anger first.
In the above journal I indicated I was angry and it felt safe. In reality if I held onto it too long it would turn into a root of bitterness and poison me. The anger makes us feel powerful, and yet if we hold onto it we will self-destruct from the inside out.
“Be careful that no one falls short of the grace of God, so that no root of bitterness will spring up to cause trouble and defile many.” Hebrews 12:15 BSB
I hope this has been enlightening and wet your appetite for learning more about Transformation Prayer Ministry. You can learn more about it here.
You can purchase the Heart Working Women’s Spring Retreat:
Transformed: the Power of Grace in Relationship here.
Most outstanding to me was Natalie’s personal story. She was stirred to share a more deeply personal story than she had prepared to share. Her story gives a heartfelt message on a tender topic not often addressed. Purchase video here.
Time to Make a Plan
It was one of the loneliest days of my life . . .
The bus driver said it was the last stop and told me I had to get off.
My little eight year old brain was a bit confused that day.
The first day in my new school was really different.
I loved my old school.
Before my family moved we lived right in the middle of a tiny town.
One of the delights of small town living, for me, was walking to school.
All the school age children from the whole town walked to school and home, not only once a day, but twice a day
because we went home for lunch.
In fact, I never rode a school bus until that fateful day.
The day I was told I had to get off the bus.
I thought I probably wasn’t too far from my new home, and if I walked a bit I would soon be home.
After about fifteen minutes of wandering around, I realized I was lost.
I was scared, lonely, and feeling desperate
because I thought this was how “bums” came to be.
And now I was one.
I believed I was not going to find my way back to my family any time soon,
and perhaps NEVER.
With tears streaming down my cheeks, I decided it was time to make a plan.
The grocery store I walked by would be my answer. Just before the store would close I’d go in, stay there overnight, and
take the food off the shelves. That’s how I would eat because I had no money.
Life would be lonely, but I figured I could at least survive.
Within the next hour, a woman in a little white VW pulled up close to me, and called out my
name with a lift in her voice at the end (not being one hundred percent sure it was me).
I had no idea who she was . . .
but she was welcoming me into her world.
I jumped in the car with her.
I would have jumped in the car with anyone who opened their door to me that day.
Whether that person was safe or not . . .
I was willing to do anything that would possibly rescue me from my homeless fate.
Thankfully, Tim was a safe person.
It turns out she was a family friend who knew we had moved back in the area.
Amazingly, she recognized me.
I had not seen her in four years yet she recognized me even as I was sobbing along side the
road. Keep in mind a little girl changes a good bit between the ages of four and eight.
I think Tim was an incredible detective.
However, for the rest of my mother’s life, she knew Tim was my guardian angel.
Do you ever lose hope?
Is it time for you to make a plan? Click here to purchase the live video from the Heart Working Women Retreat. Transformed: the Power of Grace in Relationship
Ever feel lonely?
Ever feel like you have no solutions or alternatives?
Do you ever feel lost or confused about how you’ll make it through another day?
Or wonder how you’ll ever be able to reconnect with what’s important to you?
Life can be confusing at times for all of us.
Sometimes we may lose hope of finding our way back home.
In times like these, we need at least one safe person to help us find our direction.
Learn more about how safe people can help you reconnect with what’s important to you by
purchasing the live video recording of the Heart Working Women Retreat here.
God extends His transforming grace to us most often through our relationships with others click here to learn more. .
Loneliness Destroys
Awkward awareness shoots tingles down your spine as the words on her facebook post flash on the screen. Thrust into the midst of her raw pain and anger, intimate details bleed through her published words as if you are her bosom friend. Embarrassed for her as the inappropriate public parading of too much heart and gut information gets exposed.
Her desperate need for deep significant connection has hurled her into unhealthy vulnerability. This type of vulnerability repeatedly divides and disconnects at the heart level.
Research is showing us over and again that not only is there valuein relationship, but also there is a particular type of relationship which causes us to flourish.
Our health and happiness is directly related to our ability to connect with others in a significant way. The qualitative researcher, Brene Brown, tells us that vulnerability is key.
Healthy life-giving vulnerability springs up within safe relationships.
See examples of this in the live video recording of the Heart Working Women Retreat. A poignant example is at56:06. Get it here.
The dire need for a safe place to connect is real. We aredesigned to be deeply relating to others, not languishing inisolation, but growing side by side.
“Loneliness kills. It’s as powerful as smoking or alcoholism.”
Robert Waldinger, director of the Harvard Study of Adult Development.
In 1938 scientists began tracking 268 Harvard sophomores during the Great Depression. Seventy-five years later we have some eye-opening data identifying the importance of friendships and relationships in our over all health.
The study reveals ~ “it’s the quality, depth, and honesty of your relationships that count. The ability to relax and be seen for who you really are is what’s critical to your happiness and health.”
There is amazing value in being vulnerable . . .
It is key to meaning in life as we relate with others in significant ways.
God created relationship to be vulnerable, open, and without brokenness. Research is giving His design for relationships an AMEN.
Get the live video recording of the Heart Working Women Retreat here.
In the live video you will learn more about this type of relationship. We dive deeper into how to experience this kind of relationship with others and within yourself. Get a live recording of it here.
Called to Wake Up!
A brief clip from the Heart Working Women Retreat Transformed: the Power of Grace in Relationship.
A brief clip from the Heart Working Women Retreat.
Transformed: the Power of Grace in Relationship
Purpose Grander Than We May Realize
Disconnection . . .
it all starts right here.
In me.
Between my head and my heart.
In you.
Between your head and your heart,
your thoughts and your feelings,
your brain and your gut.
We may all long for a kinder gentler country, community, church, or school, but none of us alone can change a culture, we can only change one person.
That one person is ourself.
And that change is with God’s help, and not something we do on our own.
The only way our personal change is possible is with God’s grace.
Think about it. How many times did you say you were going to stop doing this or that, or start doing these things and those. Change, in the form of growth and transformation is a tall order. To be transformed means to be totally changed, altered, reshaped reformed, re-imagined, . . . re-engaged, . . . re-designed . . .
The connection between your head and heart, your brain and your core has a potential to radically change your deep waters.
But we resist change and especially the kind of change which is totally altering and reshaping. After all, even if life is not going well, at least it’s is familiar. The familiarity has a sort of comfort all its own.
Life has probably not been easy for many of you.
My story of getting this far along in life was not smooth either.
The events over the years, the rejection, the lies from within and without, decades of hesitation and pause, my physical pain, and loss, all have converged as God has brought me safely to this point and time with you for a purpose far grander than what you, or I, probably realize.
I was born into the church. Really. My father was a pastor of a brand spanking new church, and without a building completed, on Sundays my nursery became the Sunday School room. I have seen the church from many angles over the last 58 years. First as a pastor’s kid, then as a pastor’s wife. (Though I said I would never marry a pastor, and he wasn’t when I married him. LOL) But, all is good. It seems I was destined.
As a child we moved from congregation to congregation about every four years. Starting over with each move, my family and I became part of the new church family. Through the years I experienced many life-giving relationships in the church. Their fragrance and memory encourages me even today.
The opposite is also true, however, the destructive interactions and unhealthy relationships I observed and experienced, linger with me when their memories are triggered.
Harmful relational patterns, and disconnection which created havoc in people’s lives, are sadly continuing today through the generations bringing injury again and again.
But there is hope. Because God makes all things new! God is at busy at work in your life and mine. His grace is evident in our lives simply by the fact that we are here together.
God is among us calling us to connect to Him and His heart.
“The hour has come for us to shake loose from our hiding and fear . . . To wake up from our slumber . . . put aside the deeds of darkness and put on the armor of light.” (Rom 13:11-12)
This is His message not mine.
He is calling us to proclaim His good news . . . so He can bind up the brokenhearted, so He can bestow on those who grieve a crown of beauty instead of ashes, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair.
He is calling us to connection & wholeness within ourselves, connection & unity with one another, and connection & healing with HIm.
Trusting you will join me in this call to connection . . .
I’m continuing to enjoy lingering thoughts of being with those of you who were at the Heart Working Women Retreat, and trusting it was an inspirational and transformational time for you there. I’m looking forward to being with you again face to face.
Those of you who were unable to be present, I look forward to being with you someday, but am delighted we are connecting virtually!
If you would like a recording of the retreat “Transformed: The Power of Grace in Relationship” we will have both video and audio available in the next few weeks!
It’s a Dare!
We often don’t realize we are not taking God’s ways seriously. We get stuck in our emotions.
It’s a dare: to be open to receive God’s transforming heart-work, a re-vamp of our hardwire.
To “take every thought captive”. Requires vigorous and total attention. Negative emotions clog the system. “Be very careful about what you think. Your thoughts run your life.” Proverbs 4:23
Your head and heart connection generates peak level functioning, and gives you the ability to “run on all cylinders”. It’s transformation at the core/center, it’s growth in the inner life, it lasts, it’s real, it’s something we cannot do on our own, but we can open ourselves to receive it as we depend on God’s grace.
This message burns deep in me and I can sit on it no longer. I’m looking forward to sharing it in greater detail at the Heart Working Women Retreat. Register here.
God has said, “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.“ You know it in your head. But, when was the last time you were anxious? Yesterday? Today? Two minutes ago?
“Yea though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I will fear no evil for Thou art with me” When was the last time you walked through grave difficulties and were not fearful? While we know these things in our head, it doesn’t mean we automatically feel it, experience it, and live it out. Right?
Or we can experience the head and heart connection one time or another, but not the next. It’s all part of the process that God calls us to daily, and moment by moment, to depend on Him. To find our sustenance with Him.
“Love is patient. Love is kind.” . . . Yet what happens to us when we are irritated? Well, we’re usually not patient and/or kind. Yet it is possible.
What does our irritation do for us anyway? On the other hand, to respond to a negative person or situation by being loving or kind . . . that is life-giving not only to the other person, but to you too. It is through God’s grace we can do this and not of ourselves.
Knowing God’s life-giving truths in our head does not automatically make them a reality in our lives.
It’s a dare: to be open to receive God’s transforming heart-work, a re-vamp of our hardwire. Register here
Joy Thacker loves to listen to your stories. Especially when they are your stories of transforming grace. As a recovering pocket-dweller she has some of her own life-altering tales to tell. She shares them in writing and at the Heart Working Women Retreats where she is passionately dedicated to helping women grow within authentic community. Joy is joyfully outnumbered in the parsonage with her four good men . . . one husband and their three sons.
One of the blessings of learning to do transformation prayer is that you become so much more aware of how God is always waiting, ready to help us work through anything and everything that troubles us. Truly He is our ever-present help in time of trouble.
That’s so true Melanie. Becoming aware of God’s character and how He’s always waiting, willing, and ready to work through what troubles us.