When her car stalled smack in the middle of the Pennsylvania Turnpike, she was not motivated to try moving it out of harms way, nor to put flares around it warning others of impending disaster.

As Christians, we often think we should reject our negative emotions because they are not helpful or godly. But, this is not true. Read more here. 

That dark September night, Stacey (our fictional character in a previous blog) was oblivious to encroaching danger.

 

She eliminated all negative emotions from her life * including fear, worry, and dread* because she thought they were ailments that needed to be banished.

 

The fact is, she desperately needed the message her negative emotions were giving her. They would be a life-light warning her of impending danger.

 

She needed to recognize them and heed their message.

 

Nobody likes to feel bad.

 

However . . .

disowning your negative emotions leads to disconnection and perhaps disaster.

 

But . . .

dwelling on your bad feelings isn’t the solution either.

 

The answer lies in gaining enough awareness of your emotions so you can recognize something is wrong. With this information, you can make appropriate decisions to safely move forward in life.

It’s highly unusual for someone to sit in a stalled vehicle in the night in the middle of a busy road like Stacey did without any concern whatsoever. It’s far more likely that someone in that situation would do everything possible to prevent disaster from occurring.

 

Unlike Stacey’s situation, a real to life scenario would include negative emotions and be similar to the following.

 

With almost no warning, Janine’s vehicle stops cold.

 

Her black Toyota SUV is instantly and completely invisible in the dark night.

 

Frightened by the thought that in only seconds a tragic collision would likely end her life along with the oncoming travelers, she desperately pumps her brakes thinking possibly the brake lights might glow making her vehicle visible. She pumps them once, twice, and again for what seems to be a thousand times.

 

Knowing it’s not only her life at stake, and with a hope that she could spare others lives,

 

Bravely, Janine chooses to remain in the SUV pumping her brakes rather than climbing out to secure her own safety. If she had she clung to her negative emotions she would have panicked and become unable to think clearly, putting herself and others in further jeopardy.

 

In her rear view mirror she sees a racing cluster of head lights swerving to the left just in time to miss her.

 

Then a pause in traffic.

 

In the next breath, another string of vehicles switching lanes barely avoiding her.

 

Piercing the thick black night a tractor-trailer comes barreling behind her, and within feet

 

of a collision, it yields into the left lane.

 

Nervously, Janine grasps her phone and calls 911.

In dread, Janine continues pumping the brakes hoping a glow of light will save lives with its warning.

 

Just as lungs need air to sustain life, so Janine and those behind her need light.

 

A life-light.

 

Within minutes, miraculously, a driver pulls up behind Janine’s SUV. Its dazzling lights shining from inside the car’s windshield, flinging a multitude of lights onto her vehicle, and diverting traffic into the passing lane.

 

The message got through. All are safe.

 

Likewise,

your negative emotions give needed messages important to your well being.

 

Transformation Prayer Ministry is a life-light that allows you to see your situation and gain the ability to act wisely.

Read more examples of Transformation Prayer Ministry here.

Purchase a live video of the Heart Working Women Retreat with examples of Transformation Prayer MInistry here.

Three strangers rapped on my kitchen door.

It was about 9:00 am. Not knowing what they wanted, I cautiously opened the parsonage door and greeted them with a friendly, but inquisitive “hello”. Lela explained to me that her father, J.I. Thomas, was pastor of the congregation in the 1950’s and 60’s, and was inquiring if they could go into the church and look around.

As I grabbed the church key and accompanied them across the parking lot I began to imagine what life might have been like for them here, all those long years ago.

 

Within minutes of conversation with Jeff, his wife Margaret, and Aunt Lela, I recognized our life experiences were quite similar.

 

I eagerly listened to their stories, and quickly bonded with my new friends.

We are strangers no more.

Their reminiscing reminds me of a similar delight I experienced when I returned to the sacred ground of my childhood days.

I’ve moved a fair amount in my lifetime, and greatly appreciate returning to visit ‘old’ friends and familiar gathering places.

 My family and I moved this past year, in fact.

God has plucked us up and plunked us down into another beautiful community.

Not only have the ‘strangers’ here become new friends, but also I have found heart working women in the hearts and faces of these women. Melanie Fyock is among those friends, and has an exciting vision that coordinates beautifully with the work of Heart Working Women.

To learn more about our growing vision as we reach out to our community click here  and here.

 

 Back to Jeff, Margaret, and Lela . . .

I could read the delight written all over Jeff. He was thrilled to be back. His expressions made me believe this was his childhood oasis. Walking to the end of those long-ago familiar sanctuary aisles, he came – at last – to the piano and reminisced how he played it for his grandad.

 

When we entered the basement the aged red hymnals, piled in a corner, are what captured his attention.

 

He continued basking in the comforting atmosphere as we climbed the stairs to the second floor classrooms. Taking it all in, Jeff paused as the light wood paneled walls beckoned him to identify what else may have survived the decades.

Surely those tiny wooden chairs are the same ones he sat in decades earlier.

 

My history is similar to Jeff’s history.

 

I vicariously connected with his memories of wholesome childhood church experiences as I have had the joy of going back to visit the church of my childhood too . . .

 

. . . the church where my father pastored.

 

It was not the same church Jeff, Margaret, Lela, and I were exploring together that day.

 

It was the place where I sat as a little girl in the Sunday School Classroom listening to the lessons, and chattering with friends. The place I returned to visit on a weekday as an adult. The placewhereI enjoyed reminiscing while climbing the stairs to the balcony . . . grasping the same sturdy dark wood banister which steadied my way decades earlier.

 

My experience mirrored Jeff’s experience. I understood Jeff’s delight.

 

We bonded on sacred ground.

 

Lela, Jeff, and Margaret were strangers strolling into my yard that Thursday morning, but are strangers no more.

 

I could easily “put myself in Jeff and Lela’s shoes”.

 

I could go beyond the cognitive ability to imagine what they were feeling, and I could actually feel what they were experiencing.

 

That is empathy.

 

The definition of empathy is: the experience of understanding another person’s condition from their perspective. To feel what they are feeling.

 

Empathy does not always come as easy to me as it did that day.

 

Like the day my family and I visited the Virginia Holocaust Museum in Richmond. We were tourists. Thankfully, our experiences did not mirror the horrific experiences of the holocaust victims.

 

I did not want to walk through this museum of tragedy, however, without a heartfelt connection to their humanness.

 

In an open eyed casual prayer, I ask God to give me an emotional awareness of their experiences.

 

Instinctively, I glance above my head at the engraved plaques suspending from the ceiling. They hang as a display, imprinted with the individuals names, to commemorate those killed in the concentration camps.

 

My eyes naturally gaze on the plaque immediately above my head. Etched into it was my oldest son’s first name, MAX, coupled with my maiden name HURSH (including the correct though unusual spelling of it).

 

This was more than coincidental.

 

It was an answer to my prayer.

 

Max’s name drew me into a personal connection and empathy for him, and the others represented there, like little else could.

 

Empathy is one of our highest qualities, as human beings.

 

If you desire to have empathy for someone, but don’t have it, you can ask God for it.

 

If you don’t have the desire to have empathy for someone you can even ask for that desire.

 

Empathy increases helpful behaviors, and is the root of most of the behavior that is associated with goodness. Our individualistic society desperately needs it.

 

 To learn more about our growing vision as we reach out to our community read more about it here and here.

 

On the contrary, a lack of empathy is the root of most of the destructive behavior that is associated with evil.

 

“Do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others.” Phil 2:4 NASB

 

God’s design for relationship involves empathy and connection with others who are similar, and dissimilar, to us.

You may have more in common with someone than you realize. When we hear each others stories, truly hear them, we realize we are strangers no more.

Connection is a giant missing piece in our culture today.

• The inward ‘head & heart’ connection which brings personal wholeness 

• The outward connection with others which brings together healthy communities 

• The upward connection with God which brings all of what’s good 

 

As a society we are disconnecting rapidly, and experiencing the destructive results.

 

Empathy (which is the opposite of shame) will do much to bring wholeness and healing to those who are disconnected and on a downward spiral. Empathizing with someone doesn’t mean you agree with, or condone the other’s actions or behavior. Empathy draws people together in a healthy way. 

 

The cathartic power of empathy is enormous. It turns strangers into friends, and heath to a community.

 

There is much healing to be experienced in meaningfully connecting.

•  Inward

• Outward

• Upward

 It’s the heart beat of Heart Working Women.

 

To learn more about our growing vision as we reach out to our community click here and here.

 

I felt awkward for being angry.

 

Then (more quickly than usual) I realized the reason I was angry.

 

I thought my anger would put a boundary around me and keep his complaints from affecting me.

 

Little did I know I didn’t need a boundary.

 

Let me explain.

 

Anger is something we all deal with, but often we don’t know what to do with it when it shows up. Last week I took you step by step through the Transformation Prayer Ministry process with a personal example.

 

You can also learn more about the Transformation Prayer Ministry by purchasing the live video of Transformed: the Power of Grace in Relationship here. 

 

My personal example today is to show some characteristics of anger, and how it can keep us from seeing clearly what’s actually occurring. And the effects of how TPM helps us process anger.

 

Over the years, my husband and I had many trips to the store together ending in frustration for both of us. It may go like this: I would stop to look at something seemingly momentarily, and when I looked up to go on with him to the other aisles . . . he was no where to be found. He vanished. (This was before cell phones) Often 30 – 40 minutes later, after both of us searched unsuccessfully everywhere we could possibly think of for the other guy, we would finally find each other.

 

We would both be irritated, feeling inconvenienced, and angry.

 

Eventually, I changed my expectations when we went shopping together. Any real shopping I wanted to do I saved for times I went shopping with out him. Basically, I gave up shopping with him all together.

 

As the years passed it seemed we were having a hard time finding things we liked to do together.

 

With this in mind, we ventured a short trip to the store again. We had hopes it might be fun if we went to a favorite grocery store. Delightfully, we enjoyed exploring those aisles together.

 

Since that was successful, we decided on another day to go to a local store that was having a ‘half-off’ sale. I was only a bit apprehensive about the going together part. Wondering if I would be disappointed if I allowed my expectations of accomplishing some serious shopping to take me where I wanted to go, and we’d lose one another again. Which then means the familiar pattern would follow. Yet, with the ‘half-off’ sale without hesitation I marched right into some real shopping.

 

Sure enough, after we went our separate ways to look for those things that interested us individually, my husband completed his shopping before me and couldn’t find me anywhere.

 

When we finally connected and got in the car he said, “I went up and down the aisles looking for you for a long time.” I braced myself for his grumpy words to continue at length.

 

However, before that happened I complained, “I’m not going to do this again with you. I don’t know why I thought we would enjoy shopping together.”

 

He said, “Hey there’s no problem here.” Then he pointed to the title he had printed out in preparation for the Sunday morning message. (There are some benefits to being married to an impatient pastor when he’s preparing to preach on patience.)

 

He said, “There’s no problem on my end. You’re creating the problem. I am not.”

 

What he meant was he was practicing his patience.

 

This time his typical reaction towards being inconvenienced was not impatience.

 

It was different.

 

I did not expect him to react differently.

 

I was glad.

 

Yes.

 

But, I was unprepared for his change.

 

My anger boiled up within because I wanted a break from what I perceived I was going to hear.

 

My anger helped me feel a little more in control. It felt like it was creating a good boundary.

 

Truly, my anger, was actually keeping me from hearing what was really happening.

 

I was numb to the reality of the moment.

 

Anger can numb us from what is really happening.

 

I believed that being angry at him would put a boundary around me which would then keep his irritations and complaints from affecting me.

 

When I processed my anger through TPM learn more here, and asked God to give me His truth I realized the reason I was holding onto my anger was because I was believing a lie.

 

The truth was he was not irritated or complaining.

 

I didn’t even notice that until he pointed it out.

 

When I asked God for His truth the lie no longer felt true, and my anger faded.

 

Blessings to you as you process your anger and it fades too.

Let me know how it’s going