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First fear arrives, then lures me into pretend mode. These make-believe

thoughts hurry me on to build fences for my protection.


Do you ever believe you are not talented enough . . .                

not good enough,

fast enough,

likeable enough,

kind enough,

not even able to pretend enough?

When I feed on these lies I feel threatened and hide where it seems safe.

I crawl into my pockets head first, and the rest of me follows . . . arms, legs, heart, and feet.

Ahhh I finally feel safe.

Hiding may feel safe, but leads to loneliness, disintegration, and double-mindedness

Inner parts begin to disconnect. Some slip into the wrong places, while others are missing altogether. Lies distort, and steal personal wholeness.

In the dark I become unaware of who I really am.

Do you ever feel that way? Lonely, and like no one really knows you? The real one.

You carefully present the you that matches others, right? But feel alone.

You’re not the only one who feels lonely. Many around you are feeling this way too.

Hiding snatches our ability to connect well with others

Masking seems safe, but in the long run it’s not safe.


What good is it for someone to gain the whole world, yet forfeit their soul?  Mark 8:36 NIV


Pretending to be someone you’re not, and hiding your true self, in order to gain acceptance or love, what good is that?

In daily life, we often don’t recognize the quiet anguish of others.

As we greet one another in the grocery store, and are persuaded by simple innocent words that she is ok when she replies, “I’m fine thanks.”

Big responses are not expected in this context.

But what if we did have a context,

a safe place,

where real responses were

welcomed and respected?

It’s not appropriate to pour your heart out to everyone. Not just everyone can be trusted with what hides within. You’ll need a trusted real-friend, or few.

It’s a two way street, this real-friendship thing is —

a giving of one’s self and a receiving of the other —

a listening and a telling –

a committing to being there –

with a non-judging spirit –


A Christ Ordered Restored Empowered (C.O.R.E.) way of relating. You can learn more about C.O.R.E.
and our story here.
Or perhaps you would rather seek a trusted counselor to help you face what’s really going on in
your life. You can learn about my counseling services here.


What ever form you choose to connect with others, to help you move forward, it must be truth-talk that lays the foundation.

Author and social scientist Brene Brown writes,

When we deny our story, it defines us.

When we own our story, we have the power

to write our own brave ending.

Truth brings joy

Individual and community wide joy is rooted in truth, and not bound in lies or deception.

When inwardly integrated, all of yourself comes into your relationships with friends and family. This all-in-joy radiates from the inside out. On the contrary, If the inward person is disconnected, dis-integrated, or in denial, joy is fleeting.


By the grace of Jesus

we each can grow into whole,

integrated, joyful, people

A key component of growth is grace.

Jesus’ grace most often comes to us through His followers. The Body of Christ. You and me, as we relate in a way that safely gives space for sharing ones deepest fears, hurts, and temptations.

Henry Cloud and John Townsend, author’s of Boundaries, and How People Grow, state . . . the Body of
Christ is a big part of the delivery system for healing and growth that God has in store for His people. It
can heal only to the degree that someone can reclaim the dependent role for which he or she was


Not blind-living . . . but growing more life-giving . . . we gather at the fountain of Living Water.

Finding ways to be Cruciform-living.


We’d love to hear your thoughts.

  • Do you have some friends who you trust for deep honest sharing?
  • Would you be interested in learning more about C.O.R.E.?
  • Do you think it would be difficult to gather with other women in this way?
  • Why?

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